Bothered by things easily
Not forgetting easily enough
How easily it was for you
Easily made a fool

(Written on the way back)

It's now 10:30 pm or 3:30 am, or more accurately, probably somewhere in between. As I am riding in a plane somewhere atop the middle of the Pacific, it's probably a good time to write about the Melbourne part of the trip.

Melbourne was very unlike Sydney. Maybe because I didn't spent as much time near downtown, or because there wasn't as much of a downtown, Melbourne just felt more like a suburb. If Sydney reminded me of New York, then Melbourne reminded me of San Francisco. Actually, people there are probably even more chill than fellow San Franciscans. At 10pm I could still see people hanging out at the grass outside of the library, even on a weekday. There were far fewer people in the CBD, but I guess that's to be expected since Sydney is the bigger city of the two.

The greatest thing about Melbourne is probably the free tram that runs on the city circle line. It's reasonably frequent and it's hard to beat free. Even with the free tram we didn't go to more places, mostly because there weren't as many things we wanted to see but also because we were getting tired. Even then there were still some good museums that were well worth our time, as well as some that were totally a waste of money.

Maybe I should start with the Old Melbourne Gaol, which was a scam at $22. Actually we probably could have gotten in for free, and the museum part had enough interesting stories that I probably would have paid $10 or so. But the part that cost $22 was the "prison experience", basically you pay them to "arrest" you and then show you around a little, before finally telling you that it was not really a prison but just a temporary detention center. It's more like a guided tour that other museums offer for free. Verdict: keep the $22.

The National Gallery of Art was pretty good, except we went there late and couldn't spent too much time there. The Hellenic Museum was tiny, but it was a good cool down spot during our walk to the Docklands. Plus the receptionist there was funny and couldn't stop talking about sharks.

The unexpectedly good museum was the Chinese museum in Chinatown. Not because it was free (it was not) or particularly informative (it was okay), but somehow it reminded me about the whole cultural identity thing that's been buried in the back of my head for awhile. I may write about that separately later.

While we were getting started this New Zealand couple who probably thought they knew a lot about China talked to us for a bit. I wasn't quite interested in talking to people who call others "those little Chinese people" so I sped up and away. Right after we got out of the museum this man who was walking his bike started to talk to us in Cantonese. Turns out he was born in Vietnam and has relatives in Sacramento so he visits California once in a while. We chatted briefly and he complained that things in Australia are so much more expensive the whole time. Anyways that was pretty random.

On the last day I suddenly had this urge to have some egg tarts so that's what we did. It wasn't as good as the one that I had last time, but I honestly can't remember how it tasted last time, so maybe my mind is just making up that part of the memory.

Anyhow, that concludes the Australia trip and I am getting back to real life.

新知舊雨聚，不再獨憔悴。
誰解我空虚，惟有人間醉。

前大半生都好像沒有甚麽目標。

很多人小時候都有一些長大了的志願，而我卻從來沒有。不記得以前有沒有甚麽「我的志願」之類的作文，如果有的話，那篇絶對是「作」文。

那時候最接近declare我的志願是小學六年級差不多要畢業的時候。班主任要我們每人都寫一張記念冊給她，其中一欄便是「志願」。當時的我跟本沒有想過長大後要做甚麽，只記得剛看過的「小男人週記」裏，主人翁阿寛是個「工商管理學碩士」。我那時候當然不知道那就是MBA，也不知道MBA到底是甚麽，但那個長長的名字聽起來很impressive，所以我就把「工商管理學碩士」寫上了「志願」那一欄。後來班主任問我為甚麽那個會是我的志願，我卻說不出原因來。在那天之後，我便把那個所謂的志願忘得一干二淨。可憐我的第一個憤鬥目標只維持了一天。

人生沒有特定的目標也不一定會過得迷迷恾恾。那時候很喜歡歷史，但因為不喜歡背書，所以只把它當是一門興趣。

真正的志願要等到移民後我才發現。

那時候在學校第一次上網，我發了一個email給我香港的一個同學，他回email告訴我他有一個個人網站。那時候我想，要是他能做到我也能。同住的堂哥知道後便買了一本關於網頁的書給我。在我發現原來那些都可以在書本上學到後，圖書館便成了我放學後回家前必到的地方。記得有一次我在圖書館逗留了兩三個小時，把四五本書抱回家學，我才發現我把書包遺留了在圖書館。這也算是那時候我對這方面的書痴迷的例證。

就那樣從HTML到Javascript，從Java到Perl再到Linux，從還沒有15歳開始，到16歲的時候我已經不知道在電腦以外我還可以做甚麽了。

當然，電腦的範疇很廣。在做了幾個版本的個人網頁後，大學一年級那時我終於承認自己對設計實在是沒有甚麽天份，所以就沒有在網頁設計上花太多心思。由於用Linux的關係，也想過做一些Linux desktop application的工作，但當明白到每一年都將會是Year of the Linux Desktop時，也就沒有再認真作這方面的打算。

後來的工作是在沒有計劃下找到的。那時只要是programming的工作我也沒要求太多。記得一篇文章說過「不是所有人都能只做自己喜歡的事，但所有人都能嘗試去喜歡自己要做的工作」。工作以後，我才發現原來programming有有趣的，也有無趣的。兩年之後我發覺programming也會悶的。但安於現狀的我要再過兩年才決心去改變。

其實當覺得悶的時候我跟我上司談過，他的回覆是有機會的話可以讓我當Technical Lead減輕他的附擔。24歲的我跟本沒有心理準備去領導一組每一個都比我年長的同事，所以我當時就拒絶了他。後來我也有後悔太快下決定，但我想在我腦筋還算靈活的時候多做一些技術上的工作應該才是我最好的選擇。

之後不了了之。

到了上年，公司的一些改組使得不變不再是一個選擇。那我可以跟我的上司到一個新組做一些和前4年差不多的工作，也可以到一個一無所知的組做一些從沒有做過的工作。我選擇了後者。不是因為我有多喜歡storage，只是以前的工作我做厭了。

Storage不能說是我的志願，也許它只是一塊踏腳石。我不知道能在這塊石上留多久，也不知道看到下一塊石頭會是甚麽時候。有點可笑的時當我找到一個新目標時，卻是我最沒有目標的時候。現在的我比任何時候更有見一步走一步的感覺。

慶幸的是我能只走我喜歡走的路。

在悉尼寫下了一篇「情感」，是關於一些過去一年的「情」事。寫的時候原本打算放上網，所以就省略了一些不足為外人道的情節。在電腦打出來的時候，又再自我審查了一番，弄得本來就一榻糊塗的文章更加不堪入目。只好把最後一段改改，作為總結:

如果要有一些簡短的總結的話，可以這樣說:一些感情是一開始就結束，一些是沒開始就結束， 一些是好像要開始就結束。那些好像要開始的，結束時是最突然，最震憾。而那些沒有開始的， 只有剩下無限的可惜。